Teach Me

For most of my life I struggled every single day with feeling like I’m not enough – 

not smart enough, 

not pretty enough, 

not good enough,

I hid behind my ability to make people laugh so I would know they were laughing with me and not at me. 

I avoided big, social activities so I wouldn't feel like the invisible one there. 

I felt like I was an easy person to walk away from in life.

When I accepted Jesus as my Savior I thought it would all change.  

I asked God to give me  

Strength

Courage

Confidence

and Peace

But I felt like a child with their head pressed against the glass of a vending machine.  Like putting coins into the slot, I lifted up words of prayer for strength, courage, peace and confidence.  But like a bag of chips getting stuck between the shelf and the glass, my courage, confidence, strength and peace never dropped down to where I could reach them.  

Compounding my insecurities were the actions of other believers.  Experiencing hurt and betrayal at the hands of believers who I thought would be different, left me disappointed and disillusioned.

After fifteen years at my church, and nine of those working for an elder of my church, I walked away from both my church and my job without saying a word.  Fifteen years of Sunday services, Sunday school classes, weekly Bible studies, weekly activities, women's retreats, singles retreats, volunteering in children's ministries, leading the singles ministry planning committee, neighborhood evangelism, and the list goes on, no one called me or reached out to me to see where I was or how I was.  Not even my boss, the elder.

After a few years of not being on speaking terms with God, with His infinite love and patience, He showed me that He made me a new creation the day I accepted Jesus as my personal savior.   He  taught me instead of asking for patience, strength or more of something I needed to utter 2 words:

Teach me.

To ask to be taught is a step of vulnerability.  You are admitting you don't know it all and you are placing yourself into the hands of your trusted teacher to instruct you.  That is a life turned over to the Lord.

Teach me how to love as You love Lord.

Teach me how to use the strength and confidence you have given me.

Teach me how to use my words as You do, to create and build others up.

Teach me how to be my words, to say what I mean and mean what I say.

And as He taught me I learned more about His character which brought me to a deeper understanding and love for Him.  I had a new found peace.  

I now meet with individuals and organizations who have a desire to grow in a deeper relationship with Him.   Coming to the understanding of what it means to be a new creation and to love others as He loves.  Asking Him to teach us.